We Can’t Consent To This is a volunteer campaign group, dedicated to raising awareness of the increasing number of women and girls killed and injured in violence that is claimed to be consensual. Many women have approached us to ask for support - we can’t offer this directly but this post sets out the ways you can get the support and information you need.
If you have recognised your own experiences through our work, you may want to reach to specialist women’s organisation for support.
Non-consensual violence during sex is a form of abuse. You will be listened to and believed by violence against women and girls (“VAWG”) services. You may also find it helpful to read about other women’s experiences, here. You are not alone.
Sexual violence services
Rape Crisis - for rape and other sexual violence and sexual abuse
Rape Crisis Centres provide specialist services to women and girls who have experienced rape, sexual violence - including violence in consensual sex - or sexual abuse at any time in their lives. You can find your local Rape Crisis Centre in England and Wales, Scotland and in Northern Ireland.
You can also get support and signposting to services in your area by calling the national Helpline provided by Rape Crisis South London, on 0808 802 9999 (open 12 noon – 2.30pm and 7 – 9.30pm every day). If picking up the phone feels like a big step, you can talk to Rape Crisis via their live web chat function, here, or read more about your options and next steps here.
Sexual Assault Referral Centres
Sexual assault referral centres (SARCs) offer medical, practical and emotional support to women who have experienced sexual violence. You can find out more about SARCs on the Rape Crisis website, and find your nearest service on the NHS Choices website.
The ‘Revenge Porn’ Helpline for image based abuse
If somebody has or is threatening to share intimate images of you, you can contact the ‘Revenge porn’ Helpline on 0345 6000 459 or email them on help@revengepornhelpline.org.uk. The Helpline is open 10am to 4pm, Monday to Friday (excluding bank holidays) and provides non-judgmental, confidential support around reporting and removing content, reporting to the police if you want to, and accessing legal advice.
Domestic violence services
Many women experience sexual violence from their partners, often as part of a pattern of controlling and abusive behaviour. If your partner has put pressure on you to do something sexual that you don’t want to do, or shamed you into trying things that feel degrading or frightening, domestic violence services can support you.
You can call the 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by the charity Refuge, for free and in confidence, on 0808 2000 247. Trained female advisers can provide emotional support, let you know your rights and options, signpost you to services in your area and help you get a place in a refuge, if you want to. They can support you regardless of whether you have left your partner, or are still with them. You can also contact the Helpline online via a web form, and choose a time when it is safe and convenient for them to call you back. Visit www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk for more information.
Women’s Aid also provides a directory of local domestic abuse services, so you can access support in your community, and information and resources for women on their website.
Your local authority website should also have information about domestic abuse (and wider VAWG) services in your area. When looking online for domestic abuse support, consider whether your partner might be monitoring your internet use. It is important they do not find out you are seeking support, as it may escalate their behaviour. You may want to use a public, work of friend’s computer. Refuge has more information on keeping your technology safe, including a Chat Bot that can show you how to secure your accounts and devices.
Specialist services for minoritised women
If you would prefer to access a domestic or sexual violence service specifically for Black and minoritised women, Imkaan (a charity dedicated to addressing violence against Black and minoritised women and girls) provides listings here. You can also phone the Helpline run by Southall Black Sisters, on 0208 571 0800 (open Monday, Wednesday, Friday, 9:30 am – 4:30 pm).
Support around the law
Rights of Women provides legal advice and information on a wide range of legal issues impacting women. Their website has specific information around the legal system for women who have experienced any form of Violence Against Women and Girls. Their criminal law advice line can support women around reporting sexual abuse and navigating the criminal justice system. Contact them on 020 7251 8887, Tuesdays 7pm-9pm.
The SPITE project (Sharing and Publishing Images to Embarrass), run by the Queen Mary University of London's Legal Advice Centre, provides free and specialist legal advice to victims of image based abuse, sometimes called ‘revenge porn’. Find out more and contact them here.
Stalking
The National Stalking Helpline, run by the Suzy Lamplugh Trust, can help if you are experiencing continual harassment or stalking behaviour (this could include, for example, if someone is repeatedly sharing intimate images of you online). You can reach them on 0808 802 0300. There’s more information and an online contact form here.
Paladin also offered information and advice around stalking on their website, here.
